Fingers Crossed

Which is a more powerful driving force of a man’s actions? Addiction or Emotions? Temptation or Faith? Sense of impunity from emancipation or freedom from compunction by a harbinger? Which force wins when any of these conflicting force pairs come into action at the same time? I am going to witness one of my most awaited such confrontation in recent times. The stage of the drama is none other than one of my very good friends and the struggle begins this new year.

This friend of mine is a very nice person, pure at heart, cares for others, humble, helping, always tries to win, intelligent and a jerk! Yes, he is. In a very short span of two months he has developed a very well known addiction. He has become a smoker. Not just 3-4 cigarettes, he unloads at least a pack everyday. I know that won’t seem much to many people. So let me explain. This is after he has constrained himself to a great extent. We were all surprised by the drastic changes we witnessed in him. That was shocking. At least for me, it really was.

I really hate people who smoke and I don’t even like talking to them. This might offend some people but this how I am. But now the problem was that my good friend was into this habit. I used to warn him of where this was going. He used to ensure me that he was not going to be addicted and that everything was under control. He even warned me many times that I shouldn’t even try that thing. Slowly and steadily, his occasional smoking turned regular, then into a habit and finally an addiction. As I said, he loves to win. But I could see him losing. I couldn’t let happen. I tried to warn him many times. It even worked sometimes, and before I could allow myself a little celebration, he would be back to square one. As a last attempt, I made a sincere request. I requested him to quit. Unfortunately, he couldn’t understand the gravity of it. A couple of days back, we were coming back from lunch at a restaurant and I saw him coughing and staggering. At this point I had a conversation with him that set up the stage for the struggle mentioned before.

Me: “It doesn’t feel good. Why don’t you quit smoking?”

Him: “This is who I am.”

Me: “1 pack of cigarette costs 50 bucks. That’s too much. You can have good food with that amount.”

Him: “Never mind.” After a while, “Dude! Why are you stopping me? What’s so bad with that?”
(I smiled at his question)
Him: “Why are you smiling?”

Me: “Why did you use to say that I should not dare to try smoking. Should I tell you what’s so bad with that?”

Him: “Yeah, but…..”

Me: “I had once made you a very sincere request. To quit smoking. But you didn’t. That’s really disappointing.”

Him: “But I can’t leave it now. I am addicted”

Me: “It’s really very surprising that one can prefer addiction over a good friend’s advice and request. I hoped that you cared about the feelings of others. But now I know you really don’t and that is really sad. I had made the most sincere request to you.”

Him: “No. It was never was this way. I really care about good friends. But, no offense, it is effecting me. It’s not effecting you. It’s all about me. Why are you bothered about it anyway?”

Me: “It doesn’t effect me? If it was something that effected only you, that might not have mattered me. But it is badly effecting one of my best friends. So, it’s effecting me. It’s was never only about you. If it wasn’t so, why I am telling this only to you? Why don’t I say (*****some ABC****) to quit, or request (****some XYZ*****). I told you because it mattered to me and I thought you might care about the feelings of your friends.”

Him: “Ok, let’s say I quit for now. What happens when you go after 4 months. Maybe we won’t ever meet again in life. What’s the point in stopping me?”

Me: “I consider you as my good friend. It doesn’t matter me whether the friend is with me for 4 months, 4 years or 40 years. When I consider someone a friend, I care about him and I’ll try to stop him from any way that is wrong. This is who I am.”

Him: “What about after 4 months? Who will be there to stop me? I will start that thing again. So, what’s the point?”

Me: “Exactly, this is exactly what I meant to say. I can’t understand how is this possible that one can prefer addiction over friendship? This is where your conscience and preferences come into play. You have to make a choice. Whether you care for others’ feelings or you prefer your addiction. Are words of a good friends, those who really care about you more precious for you or your smoking”

Him: “It’s always good friends. And it will always be. But then it is probable that after you guys are gone, you people won’t be around. So, you might be out of sight, out of mind. Then it will be the same again.”
(This is where his addition was talking.)

Me: “Why is it that only we will be “out of sight, out of mind”. Why is not your smoking that can be “out of sight, out of mind” if you quit for some days? Whatever excuses you give, whatever argument you make, everything comes to the same old central point. What do you prefer? You do you choose? Friends or addiction.”

Him: “I choose friends. I promise that I’ll quit smoking completely from 1st Jan.”

I have very much clipped the conversation to keep it short and simple. One of the very obvious question that can come up in your minds is that why am I writing all this here? Let me make this very clear that this is not just another subject matter for my blog. I have written this so that when we are “out of sight and out of mind” this might make him remember his promise. This might help him to remember that he had some friends who really cared about him.

So, the battle of the two forces is to start from this new year. I am holding my breath. I am waiting for the result. I just want him to win, again!